


Habberdasher's tale

by Storyteller_01



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Insanity, Rhyming, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:19:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22020175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_01/pseuds/Storyteller_01
Summary: This is the sidestory of the habberdasher
Kudos: 1





	1. Hello friend's

You see the habberdasher in purple suit and a tophat he has bunny face and a bunny tail he sees you and takes off his hat bunny ears attached with real bunny ears underneath

"Greetings new friends I am Jeb Schmell and I have a story to tell the Weaver as the maniac said is tired wants to go to bed. But one last story here I weave and I have no tricks up my sleeve the story begins on my best friends birthday on our 10th year of friendship day I had a plan I was so gay! Happy I mean I need no pene I am ace you see just a friend but you will ship me anyway for rule 34 so show me in the comments galore. Anyway I put a chip in his head and we set on a tale I made a army using my friends superpower I even built THE MAD TOWER! We made a cardboard army with imps with a heart, spades with a sword and 2 guns a musket and a blunderbuss people put up a fuss. But the dragons polka dot made the situation HOT! They breathed yellow fire it made many give their ire. Dimitri sent 30 special souls to slay but most could only pray only 2 remained after the big battle and their Wills rattle. They were twins one could pull a moon from the sky one could push a building way way high. They set on a quest by their lord but I would not let them win we fought back I with sword! Now let me eat the sunlight and nighty night!"


	2. The new Ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New friend well old friend

The habberdasher is wearing the same purple suit with the tophat with ears still in the crystal prison he has a board with a laser pointer

"Hello friend's the story continues will it end soon? The 2 twins were fighting my cardboard army buy a spade came and slashed and bashed firing bullets to our group but a old cat whiskers drooping his claws sharp- hey is that my harp. Sorry but he clawed my spade a gash newly made. He had shaky voice he was grunted to find them alive he was coming for my friend but i will not let my story end there. so I made a bear silver but the twin wilbur who could pull did pull a spire through the bears brain so fast he could not even feel pain. The old cat was Eames and before I forget the twin who pushed was names Albert he was a lad with girth. Then they rode my dragon slicing certain muscles Eames did it is no fib to make the dragon move. They flew and crashed in my skyscraper blowing flames the dragon not tamed fought back and Wilbur pulled a tower slaying the beast but no time to throw a feast. They fought down the up the tower my mad tower I was sad I did not want the birthday present of Anton to end so I made a flying city we went there and made them fight a flying blue bear. When it died it blew making its guts cover them the old cat wanted this to end. We launched slug missles sliming the city it was not pretty! They flew in a plane and I sent a manticore with a green mane. I named it Shane it was accompanied by 1,050 imps all wimps! They were shot and burned no lesson learned. Still 932 imps remained no ammo so they hopped crushing their skulls with their mad skills. The city was built with defences when were going in. They tried to storm but the cardboard men had blades the imps healing fire and Satyr playing their Lyre. They controlled 96 trolls and 888 ogres for that is how I roll. They claimed the legs of the Satyr and I tried to cook cookies Anton ate some of the batter. He was sick so I raised the quote unquote hospital it had 3 quote unquote doctors and a prescription the doctors wrote. We fixed him up and returned for the first battle the kingdom rattled and fell it was swell! It landed in the fortress I was almost eaten by a tree but a loud SKREEEEE discouraged it. Now return because I do not want to get lonely and draw some art if you can it would make the bubble homely I drew me and you as friends see maybe you can enjoy more since you are free.


	3. Anton fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anton does fight the 3

The habberdasher now has prieces or art of him being shipped with Anton he waved hello

"Now don't worry how I get out I won't tell even if you pout. the tale leaves when I Dodged and weaved the things thrown by one brother and parkour over the spider whore. Anton fought he had steel armour and broke Wilbur's arm and spoke babbling nonsense. Albert fixed his brothers arm and Eames pressed a pressure point knocking him out so I sent my entire army to save them they had no choice but to run it would not be fun if I lost so soon. They got in a blimp firing bombs they destroyed my comms tower. The army was deaf but not dumb and I sent a giant acid spitting scorpion he was not going to be beaten by any ordinary bum. They crashed the blimp on the scorpion a neighborhood melted and rotten eggs were pelted on my force. Sir pentius joined he was not giving up but I drove him off he did knock the wind out of me I did heavily cough he had strength enhancing gloves I sent him flying with 3 thousand doves. The 3 raided my Manor and and broke it the manor no joke was gone. They were good pawns for Dimitri maybe I will clone them but I had no dish the kind pitri. They did fire a mortar and it did burn Anton severely I had to punish them clearly so I mad sure that Eames child was in the crossfire they would be on the wire. This plan even now gets a cackle I made a man-mackerel to make the plan play out how I dreamed but the plan may or may not be as you think it seems."


	4. Old soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No spoilers

The habberdasher has a gramaphone and is playing dubstep

"The kids now just wow the music so cool. Now the story the child of Eames was brought when Albert requested help despite Wilbur saying no they got a new soldier ready to go. Eames was listening to classical music he was a old soul and I watched eating my bowl of ice cream. I was seeing through the eyes of Eames glass eye and I would try to make them fear me. What I did was I made a tower of electric equipment they did not need to scower to find it. They fought man of steel and they were in for a SHOCKING SUPRISE and the doors they past I was locking. They got to the top and the 3 we're fought I got Eames I shocked him and got him a sword in my hand the area I knew where to land. Anton was almost fixed but the threat let Anton escape I even made sure this moment to tape. When the old man looked into his son's eyes I stabbed him through the back and no sorrow in the boys eyes lack. The last words of the old cat was and I quite enjoy  
"Don't worry me boy I am a old soul I know you know I love he.... you need to take care of Dimitri he is broken make sure... He.... Is a good.... Man promise...." He died he knew it was coming well one less toy! The boy left to carry out his father's wish he had to do it he could not just sit sobbing for long and I threw no fit when he left."


	5. MY HAT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noooooooooooooo the hat

The habberdasher is holding his hat like a baby and feeding it milk from a bottle it is not alive but the habberdasher is crying

"You know my hat used to be alive but it was killed... I guess you feel what you sew. When he left it was old push and pull and I made a Minotaur man and bull. He ate 8 men he ran away and now I pray.............he suffers! Expect me to say I am kidding *smug smile* No. Expect a rhyme you should buy I forgot now I don't have that lost moment of time. They got a dragons gem and then the group THEM! They rubbed a piece of tube against and a flame flies MY HAT *sniff and blows nose* dies and so does all 5 of my ties. The hat was named Barb I made a huge monster a bat. It drank some blood from Wilbur and a random girl doing blow it did kill er'. I ran away and I lived though no one for my survival did pray. As I ran I said and my head lost a lot of hair  
"I will finish the battle next time!"  
I got a wig this I could not for long bear. So I made Anton help it sucked some mutation power he never told but my nose could smell any ability or weakness new or old. This ability I still have and it was replicated in Anton's lab. So goodbye my other best friend friend this tale for now does not end! And pray for Barb and I can't think of a rhyme good enough *sniff* for her so I say Larb.


	6. Utter failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Habberdasher's failure

The habberdasher is crying over his hat

"Oh Barb a better rhyme was garb I failed you like last time. We know why you are here the reason crystal clear*his fur grows unkempt his teeth sharpen and his tongue is forked and licks his overgrown teeth*. You came support me and I just pranked thee! Now the tale continued and I of all people fail! It all started when I set up a last battle Anton had toxins on his gloves and managed to touch them with several injuries I even set loose a animal to wake them up doves! In the room was a spike wall and lava was pouring in and their lives were meant to end! But they made spikes go and clog the lace holds those DOGS! They got out and broke my arm they threw a brick so hard that even mutations only made it broken it was sick. As you kids would say and am I one unfortunately nay. But back to topic they climbed up from the dungeon I destroyed the stairs but they climbed using a Ice pick. They got to the roof and my spade and heart fought the two but they won I was blue. I got on a helicopter and flew away Anton was a medic the flight was hectic. My arm was damaged in the flight and I was not alright. But they were shaked off one brother was hurt Albert who did push they fell on a place where they kept kush. That means weed I do believe. Weed means marijuana that I known that location was where it got it was sewn. Wilbur could only pull danger and he had to save his brother but I sent a special man called the ranger!"


	7. All alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur is all alone

The habberdasher writes in a journal

"Hello just writing in my diary not much to write so it is not fiery. The brother Wilbur put Albert in the hospital to recover. Wilbur set up for a final fight got his stash of money under a violet light. Wilbur went to a final fight with Anton he brodcasted a location for a fight and I a fool came it was a staged in a factory for tools. But Wilbur had a ace up his sleeve he had a needle with octopus DNA that is bad I say. Anton was injected his body took it on and that is why he is comfortable with the transformation to get tentacles that was a sight which I did not want to look. He grew a beak that I removed he had some attitude. The suction cup was removed by mutation this I approved. We went on a train and drove around this was a mobile base and Wilbur was coming so the plan for the finale was needed so I picked up the pace. Wilbur pulled the train off track and I was tossed around and my broken arm got the ground. This was a immensely agonizing amount of pain but Anton was as right as rain. Wilbur came and found me he pulled a katana from 2 houses to the left it was a good theft. He stabbed Anton through the head and Wilbur he grabbed a bag and made me wish I was dead. He dropped the bag on my arm it was a great amount of harm. Anton then pulled the katana out of his head and chased him away I needed to make a backup plan is what back then I did say.


	8. A -REDACTED- entity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ? Appears

the Habberdasher has a board with a giant question mark in the middle and marks leading off with 'does and does not exist some do not understand they are done with this' and also 'impacts the world through vessals does not directly control mearly shows a goal but does not damage soul.' the habberdasher looks tired

"Hey folks today a... Thing appears it has no name nor any bells does it ring. It started when I thought to give up soon a voice came with no body this would change my tune. He spoke in a higher breathy voice but at the same time it was low and whispery while many it was one I know how strange this is a ton. He talked to me his words he said slipped my mind and no recording I could find. But the gist of it was he wanted me to make a specific future and I would have my strangeness already potent amplified but this was a bad thing a true demon personified. I said no and he left no trace appears all guards were dead from a heart attack or fell asleep Anton was sleeping too I had much thinking to do on the loo. I decided surrender while I had a arguing point and make a deal no leaving the mansion until he and Anton agree to let me free but I put a chip in his head I knew I could not flee. I got the rest of my army and prepared to negotiate the entity presence now permeates so watch out friend I don't want your life to end.


	9. The negotiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The habberdasher negotiate

Habberdasher is wearing a fancy black suit and has a fancy meal and a table outside the crystal ball the food is their and hot 

"Eat up I made this dish no I made that up. Anton had leftovers and this made me fawn. The food is way above good. Anyway when we were there we met in a neutral territory with 1 guard mine was Anton his was Wilbur we talked over some wine. He said to give me his brother and he would allow me to keep my memories but I had a solution I had a charm that was in Calmires apartment and when he tried to control me he had the feeling of alarm. So we met now as equals and the rain poured we were inside so no person was wet. So he let me keep my memories I would give Anton my army would be stationed in there and I would stay in my mansion as if he gave me anything I wanted no questions but he needed some force to lean on. He got Wilbur to threaten me the brute but the deal was made it was absolute and I got home and began to build the elaborate trap. next time since I have no story to tell I will show you how I got out and if you don't show up since no story then your ear I will give a clout!


	10. The secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The habberdasher shows how he got out

The crystal was as hard as ever but the habberdasher is standing confident you tower him but he laughs

"Dimitri is such a nitwit if he saw how I got out he would throw a fit!"

Then habberdasher hops a little and goes underground the ground is easy for him to go in. Then he goes out the other side with a treasure 

"Here my friend the story sadly did end before this mark but these words hark. A friend gives a gift when you are nice so be so and lo it will be."

He gives you a huge portion of treasure. It shines he opens the box

"This was my emergency money and it's for you I have no intent to be funny. Take it and do what you want come back and hangout if you a handout!"

You head out and you get a call

"Want to hangout I have nothing better to do and I got 2 clockwork soldiers to fight a bout? Please come for my pain of loneliness needs to ease."

Will you do it?


End file.
